Thursday, March 18, 2010
Copy and pasted jokes
Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages 65
Posted: 17 Mar 2010 06:19 PM PDT
isang araw nahuli ng anak ang magulang habang nagsesex
anak: ma bakit po tumatalbog kayo sa ibabaw ni daddy?
Ina: wla anak, pinaliliit ko lang ang tiyan ni daddy
anak: wa epek yan.. kasi hinihipan ulit ni yaya.
====
Teacher: ok class our lesson 4 today is about planet. earth
is the 3rd planed from the sun. now what is next to mercury?
Pedro: murag rose pharmacy mn tingali mam! d ko lang sure
====
Prof: ano ang pagkakaiba ng adultery at fornification
Girl: nasubukan ko na pareho yan eh. parang wala namang diferrence
====
3 tanga nagsisiksikan sa maliit na kama...
tanga1: pare hindi tau kasya bawas tau ng isa. sa lapag nalang
matulog
(bumaba si tanga 3)
tanga2: ayan pare maluwag na akyat ka na d2!
====
Pare1: pare parang malalim iniisip mo?
Pare2: n anaginip ako kagabi. kasama ko 50 contestants ng ms.universe
Pare1: suwerte mo ano problema mo?
Pare2:pare ako ang nanalo!!!
====
Nurse1: hoy gaga bakit may thermometer sa tenga mo?
nurse2: ha? susmaryosep kaninong puwet ko kaya naiwan yung ballpen ko!
====
Amo: inday, paalisin mo nga yung pulubi sa labas ng bahay
Inday: off you go! under no circumstance this house would relent to such
unabashed display of vagrant destitution!!!
Pulubi: oh! im so ashamed! such mancion of social climbing freaks!
nakakuha ng katapat si inday!!!
====
hindi lahat ng batang nakabag ay nagaaral..
ung iba..
naglalakwatsa lang..
tulad ni...
DORA ang lakwatserang negra...
=====
Kung si Manny Villar ang tunay na mahirap..
mga hampas lupa tayong lahat
=====
Presidential candidates
Manny villar - tondo boy
noy noy - mama's boy
Gibo - lover boy
villanueva - Jesus boy
Erap - kanto boy
Jamby - if i wer a boy
=====
Mom: doc ano gagawin ko sa anak ko ang liit ng ari nia?
Doktor: madali lang yan misis.. pakainin mo ng hot cake
kinabukasan ng luto ng 10 hotcake si mommy
Anak: wow daming hot cake
Mom: hep hep.. tatlo lang ang sau dyan.. sa daddy mo ang pito
====
Posted: 17 Mar 2010 06:19 PM PDT
isang araw nahuli ng anak ang magulang habang nagsesex
anak: ma bakit po tumatalbog kayo sa ibabaw ni daddy?
Ina: wla anak, pinaliliit ko lang ang tiyan ni daddy
anak: wa epek yan.. kasi hinihipan ulit ni yaya.
====
Teacher: ok class our lesson 4 today is about planet. earth
is the 3rd planed from the sun. now what is next to mercury?
Pedro: murag rose pharmacy mn tingali mam! d ko lang sure
====
Prof: ano ang pagkakaiba ng adultery at fornification
Girl: nasubukan ko na pareho yan eh. parang wala namang diferrence
====
3 tanga nagsisiksikan sa maliit na kama...
tanga1: pare hindi tau kasya bawas tau ng isa. sa lapag nalang
matulog
(bumaba si tanga 3)
tanga2: ayan pare maluwag na akyat ka na d2!
====
Pare1: pare parang malalim iniisip mo?
Pare2: n anaginip ako kagabi. kasama ko 50 contestants ng ms.universe
Pare1: suwerte mo ano problema mo?
Pare2:pare ako ang nanalo!!!
====
Nurse1: hoy gaga bakit may thermometer sa tenga mo?
nurse2: ha? susmaryosep kaninong puwet ko kaya naiwan yung ballpen ko!
====
Amo: inday, paalisin mo nga yung pulubi sa labas ng bahay
Inday: off you go! under no circumstance this house would relent to such
unabashed display of vagrant destitution!!!
Pulubi: oh! im so ashamed! such mancion of social climbing freaks!
nakakuha ng katapat si inday!!!
====
hindi lahat ng batang nakabag ay nagaaral..
ung iba..
naglalakwatsa lang..
tulad ni...
DORA ang lakwatserang negra...
=====
Kung si Manny Villar ang tunay na mahirap..
mga hampas lupa tayong lahat
=====
Presidential candidates
Manny villar - tondo boy
noy noy - mama's boy
Gibo - lover boy
villanueva - Jesus boy
Erap - kanto boy
Jamby - if i wer a boy
=====
Mom: doc ano gagawin ko sa anak ko ang liit ng ari nia?
Doktor: madali lang yan misis.. pakainin mo ng hot cake
kinabukasan ng luto ng 10 hotcake si mommy
Anak: wow daming hot cake
Mom: hep hep.. tatlo lang ang sau dyan.. sa daddy mo ang pito
====
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Abueva on Noynoy (or Noynoy's slogan)
Dear Kababayans:
Let us not be deceived by simplistic explanations and solutions to the very
complex reality of massive poverty, corruption and bad governance.
The propaganda that poverty will disappear if we stop corruption simply by
electing an honest presidential candidate of the Liberal Party, Noynoy
Aquino, is very deceptive. It is based on a simplistic analysis of the
roots of widespread corruption in our politics and government. It exploits
the people who fall for simple explanations and solutions of a very complex
reality.
President Cory Aquino was certainly honest herself. The nation revere and
honor her for leading the nation in ending the Marcos dictatorship. But she
could not and did not stop corruption in her time.
Why, some of those who governed with President Cory are now also behind the
campaign of Noynoy Aquino. They now cry out: "Walang mahirap kung walang
corrupt."
Corruption, like poerty, has many and deep causes. Corruption thriives when
the President and his/her administration, the Senate, and the House of Reps,
and the government bureaucracy cannot be held accountable by the people for
their corruption, lack of transparency, and malgovernance. When there is a
culture of impunity sustained by such weak institutions unaccountable
leaders, and our political culture.
Lack of transparency of our leaders and their lack of accountability to the
people are also due to the inherent weaknesses of our political
institutions- -our elections, political parties, the presidency, the Senate,
the House of Reps, the judiciary, and the departments and agencies of the
national govenment. No matter what some vigilant citizens and the critical
media might do. Actually, the fact that many of our citizens are poor,
uninformed, dependent, and vulnerable in our unjust society also make good
governance difficult. If we had a much bigger middle class of employed or
self-employed people who are educated, informed, and involved in public
affairs we would also have a more capable and accountable public service.
This is true in the industrialized, democratic countries.
National election of our president and vice-president and our 24 senators is
very expensive because of the high cost of campaigning and election: the
media ads, nationwide campaigning, and the support given by national
candidates to congressional and local government candidates. The temptation
to recover the investment in their election can lead to corruption.
Moreover, election of these national leaders depend much on personal
popularity, celebrity or star power, and win-abilty rather than on proven
competence and leadership.
In our presidential system we have the separation of powers and checks and
balance among the president, the Senate and the House of the bicameral
Congress, and the judiciary. Very often the president, the Senate, and the
House are at odds and their conflict weakens or slows down the passing of
laws and their implementation. When there is malgovernance or corruption in
the national government, there is a lot of buckpassing, or avoidance of
accountability among national officials. No one seems to be accountable for
corruption and malgovernance. Even honest leaders are compromised and unable
to function effectively.
Our president is guaranteed a term of six years, without reelection, and
cannot be removed from office except by impeachment which is almost
impossible; so how can the people make the president accountable for
corruption and malgovernance?
Our political parties are organizations of politicians, without mass members
as in the mature democracies. As such, political parties are weak
orgnizations dominated by their leaders. They do not campaign on the basis
of a platform of govenment that they will carry out when theur party members
are in power. In other words our political leaders and their parties are not
responsible and accountable to the people for their corruption and
governance. In the mature democracies the ruling political party is held
responsible and accountable for the quality of governance.
In parliamentary systems the members of parliament are elected in
parliamentary districts similar to our congressional districts, not
nationwide. The lower house of Parliament elects the tested leader of the
majority party or coalition of parties as the Prime Minister or Head of
Govenment. The Prime Minister and his cabinet of ministers are respnsible
and accountable to the Parliament as a whole for the effective governance of
the country and the level of honesty or corruption in that governance. The
ruling party is accountable for governance. The opposition parties will make
sure it is.
Moreover, our government is highly centralized in the National Government in
the National Capital Region, far away from most of our citizens in most
local communities and their local governments. Most governmental powers,
authority, and revenues are concentrated in Imperial Manila. Many of the
regions and local communities are poor and underdeveloped, and very
dependent on the national government for decisions and for revenues even if
they are rich in natural resources.
The people who are supposed to be sovereign in our democracy cannot really
exert their control and influence on the president and Congress that are so
far away from them. Because most citizens are not organized as members of
political parties, civil society organizations, labor unions, or
professional organizations.
What I have tried to show is that the lack of effective citizen control and
influence on our leaders and officials and the lattter's lack of
accountability to the people for the quality of governance, including
official honesty and integrity, are related to the structure and functioning
of our various institutions.
We therefore need reformed and functional institutions that will compel our
head of government and legisltature and our national and local
administrators to be responsible and accountable to the people nationwide.
We therefore need a new president and new legislators who understand the
complexity of our problems and the urgency of institutional reforms in
order to bring about good governance marked by sponsiness, effectiveness,
efficiency, transparency, honesty, and innovativeness. Thus the need for
competent and tested leaders, led by a new president. Not amateurs who
deceive our people with naive and simplistic solutions.
[For those who may wish to consider a fuller explanation of the state of
our nation and the crises of our democracy, I am attaching two papers.]
Dr. Jose V. Abueva
Personal website: www.joseabueva. com
Email: joseabueva@yahoo. com
Let us not be deceived by simplistic explanations and solutions to the very
complex reality of massive poverty, corruption and bad governance.
The propaganda that poverty will disappear if we stop corruption simply by
electing an honest presidential candidate of the Liberal Party, Noynoy
Aquino, is very deceptive. It is based on a simplistic analysis of the
roots of widespread corruption in our politics and government. It exploits
the people who fall for simple explanations and solutions of a very complex
reality.
President Cory Aquino was certainly honest herself. The nation revere and
honor her for leading the nation in ending the Marcos dictatorship. But she
could not and did not stop corruption in her time.
Why, some of those who governed with President Cory are now also behind the
campaign of Noynoy Aquino. They now cry out: "Walang mahirap kung walang
corrupt."
Corruption, like poerty, has many and deep causes. Corruption thriives when
the President and his/her administration, the Senate, and the House of Reps,
and the government bureaucracy cannot be held accountable by the people for
their corruption, lack of transparency, and malgovernance. When there is a
culture of impunity sustained by such weak institutions unaccountable
leaders, and our political culture.
Lack of transparency of our leaders and their lack of accountability to the
people are also due to the inherent weaknesses of our political
institutions- -our elections, political parties, the presidency, the Senate,
the House of Reps, the judiciary, and the departments and agencies of the
national govenment. No matter what some vigilant citizens and the critical
media might do. Actually, the fact that many of our citizens are poor,
uninformed, dependent, and vulnerable in our unjust society also make good
governance difficult. If we had a much bigger middle class of employed or
self-employed people who are educated, informed, and involved in public
affairs we would also have a more capable and accountable public service.
This is true in the industrialized, democratic countries.
National election of our president and vice-president and our 24 senators is
very expensive because of the high cost of campaigning and election: the
media ads, nationwide campaigning, and the support given by national
candidates to congressional and local government candidates. The temptation
to recover the investment in their election can lead to corruption.
Moreover, election of these national leaders depend much on personal
popularity, celebrity or star power, and win-abilty rather than on proven
competence and leadership.
In our presidential system we have the separation of powers and checks and
balance among the president, the Senate and the House of the bicameral
Congress, and the judiciary. Very often the president, the Senate, and the
House are at odds and their conflict weakens or slows down the passing of
laws and their implementation. When there is malgovernance or corruption in
the national government, there is a lot of buckpassing, or avoidance of
accountability among national officials. No one seems to be accountable for
corruption and malgovernance. Even honest leaders are compromised and unable
to function effectively.
Our president is guaranteed a term of six years, without reelection, and
cannot be removed from office except by impeachment which is almost
impossible; so how can the people make the president accountable for
corruption and malgovernance?
Our political parties are organizations of politicians, without mass members
as in the mature democracies. As such, political parties are weak
orgnizations dominated by their leaders. They do not campaign on the basis
of a platform of govenment that they will carry out when theur party members
are in power. In other words our political leaders and their parties are not
responsible and accountable to the people for their corruption and
governance. In the mature democracies the ruling political party is held
responsible and accountable for the quality of governance.
In parliamentary systems the members of parliament are elected in
parliamentary districts similar to our congressional districts, not
nationwide. The lower house of Parliament elects the tested leader of the
majority party or coalition of parties as the Prime Minister or Head of
Govenment. The Prime Minister and his cabinet of ministers are respnsible
and accountable to the Parliament as a whole for the effective governance of
the country and the level of honesty or corruption in that governance. The
ruling party is accountable for governance. The opposition parties will make
sure it is.
Moreover, our government is highly centralized in the National Government in
the National Capital Region, far away from most of our citizens in most
local communities and their local governments. Most governmental powers,
authority, and revenues are concentrated in Imperial Manila. Many of the
regions and local communities are poor and underdeveloped, and very
dependent on the national government for decisions and for revenues even if
they are rich in natural resources.
The people who are supposed to be sovereign in our democracy cannot really
exert their control and influence on the president and Congress that are so
far away from them. Because most citizens are not organized as members of
political parties, civil society organizations, labor unions, or
professional organizations.
What I have tried to show is that the lack of effective citizen control and
influence on our leaders and officials and the lattter's lack of
accountability to the people for the quality of governance, including
official honesty and integrity, are related to the structure and functioning
of our various institutions.
We therefore need reformed and functional institutions that will compel our
head of government and legisltature and our national and local
administrators to be responsible and accountable to the people nationwide.
We therefore need a new president and new legislators who understand the
complexity of our problems and the urgency of institutional reforms in
order to bring about good governance marked by sponsiness, effectiveness,
efficiency, transparency, honesty, and innovativeness. Thus the need for
competent and tested leaders, led by a new president. Not amateurs who
deceive our people with naive and simplistic solutions.
[For those who may wish to consider a fuller explanation of the state of
our nation and the crises of our democracy, I am attaching two papers.]
Dr. Jose V. Abueva
Personal website: www.joseabueva. com
Email: joseabueva@yahoo. com
Monday, March 01, 2010
During a mass, the priest taps the microphone and says, there’s something wrong with the microphone.” The people responded, “And also with you.”
The hotel guest called room service, “I want a breakfast of two eggs burned black around the edges, undercooked bacon, weak coffee, watery orange juice, and cold, hard, unbuttered toast.” The room service clerk asked, “Why in the world would you want a terrible breakfast like that?” “I’m homesick.”
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Smoking helps you lose weight. One lung at a time.
Behind every great man there's a surprised woman.
The reason why men lie is because women ask so many questions.
Success is relative. The more success, the more relative.
Behind every great man there's a surprised woman.
The reason why men lie is because women ask so many questions.
Success is relative. The more success, the more relative.
Doc bakit gabi gabi nananaginip na sumasayaw ako.
Doc: Inumin mo lang tong gamot, gagaling ka na!
Patient: Di pwede doc. Grand finals na mamaya eh.
Doc: Inumin mo lang tong gamot, gagaling ka na!
Patient: Di pwede doc. Grand finals na mamaya eh.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Txt jokes
Pano tayo makakabuo kung di ka papatong sa kin? -- hollow block
Some people say they can't live without love. Well, oxygen is more important isn't it? Kaya sa mga walang lovelife, inahle exhale nalang. Pwede na yan.
Dare what it takes to be. Then we shall so because it is. To do or not, now or what else to be without. You know. - Manny Pacquiao
Bakla: I've experienced so much happiness since you came. No one can ever replace you in my heart. Though a lot of things are running through your head and you think that you mean nothing to me, keep in mind that I love and care for you. Always.
Lalaki: Ah ok. Ano gawa mo? Pa-load naman.
Some people say they can't live without love. Well, oxygen is more important isn't it? Kaya sa mga walang lovelife, inahle exhale nalang. Pwede na yan.
Dare what it takes to be. Then we shall so because it is. To do or not, now or what else to be without. You know. - Manny Pacquiao
Bakla: I've experienced so much happiness since you came. No one can ever replace you in my heart. Though a lot of things are running through your head and you think that you mean nothing to me, keep in mind that I love and care for you. Always.
Lalaki: Ah ok. Ano gawa mo? Pa-load naman.
Txt joke
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sex jokes etc.
Please note that lying in bed with somebody and screaming Oh my God Oh my God will not be counted as prayer.
After having sex, the girl keeps on touching on organ of the guy! Guy: you want more? Girl" Nope! My namimiss lang kasi ako. Girl: Cno? Ung ex mo? Girl: Hindi! My ganito kasi ako before.
Host: Ano ang gagawin nyo king may katabi na kayong $1 million?
American: Go on a world tour!
Japanese: Put up a hotel!
Korean: Build a house!
Taiwanese: Make a business!
Pinoy: Tulog uli para maging 2 million!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Hindi porke gwapo…
