MUCOLYTIC

I feel like a voyeur already.

Got this from Tatang's Karinderia

Do you think you know English? Try this one.

Can you decipher this:

> Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a

> natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of

>their expedition being the procurement of a

> sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large

> vessel,the exact size of which was unspecified.

> One member of the team precipitously descended,

> sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial

>portion of his anatomical structure;

> subsequently the second member of the team

>performed a self rotational translation

> oriented in the same direction taken by the

>first team member.

> scroll down for answer:.......(in simple English

> what does this

> translate to??)
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> Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail

>of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown

>and Jill came tumbling after!!!

> Artificial intelligence does not even come near

> natural stupidity!!!

> SHARE WITH OTHERS

More Erma Bombeck quotes

No one loves a Christmas tree on Jan. 1. The wonderful soft branches that the family couldn't wait to get inside to smell have turned into rapiers that jab you. The wonderful blinking lights that Daddy arranged by branch and color have knotted themselves hopelessly around crumbling brownery and have to be severed with a bread knife. The stockings that hung by the chimney with care are hanging out of sofa cushions, and they smell like clam dip.

And the angel that everyone fought to put on top of the tree can only be removed with an extension ladder that is in the garage, and no one can remember how to fit it through the door.

Next to the presidency, detrimming a tree has to be the loneliest job in the world. It has fallen to women for centuries and is considered a skill only they can do, like replacing the roll on the toilet tissue spindle, painting baseboards, holding a wet washcloth for a child who is throwing up or taking out a splinter with a needle.

***

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there's a wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving.

I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop offs at tedium and counter productivity.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you?

Education is so important when it comes to domesticity. I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.

Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.

I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, "Never mind! I'll do it myself."

When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States.

Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.

I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go into overload and blow up.

Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.

Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-rearing, they are unemployed.

***

Here’s Bombeck’s oeuvre:

1. All I Know about Animal Behavior I Learned in Loehmann's Dressing Room

2. Marriage Made in Heaven--Or Too Tired to Have an Affair

3. When You look Like Your Passport Photo, It's Time to Go Home

4. I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression

5. Just Wait Till You Have Children of Your Own

6. If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?

7. Grass Is Always Greener over the Septic Tank

8. Family, the Ties That Bind & Gag

9. At Wit's End

10. contributor to "Breast Cancer? Let Me Check My Schedule!"

!@#$%^

This piece of gossip is a result of my solipsistic conversation with S.

“X. is one of my favorite people because he’s not afraid to tell the truth. Like, he’s not afraid to call me “guwapo.” Nobody, not even my mother, ever admits to my face that I’m in the position to be called pogi. If at all, they all say so grudgingly, as though I owe them a thousand bucks each.

“Not with X. He’s not afraid of the truth, not just because the truth won’t hurt him but because the truth can well be proclaimed to high heavens for it will ring in his favor. Apart from his natural ability to dress up well, the braggart has such a blustering swagger that endears more than irritates. Even his little imperfections you’d find hard to malign. He pronounces “Angelu” (de Leon) as “Angelo” and you’d find it cute. He’d say “koh-kah koh-lah” for Coca-Cola and you’d find a reason to exchange high-fives. If you live in Manila and you have a regional accent, be prepared, be very prepared. People will always roar in delight, not really to ridicule you as a person but because they’re genuinely amused by your differently interesting accent.

“Scratch all that. I am lying. The truth is, the only ones who find me actually attractive are NOT girls and women and fellow men but the scary-looking transvestites who populate the beauty parlors. They spook the heck out of me because they can’t even hide it: They’d say Hi and you know they’re not merely being friendly and kind. Their gaze speaks of a certain hunger and you know it’s not something gastrointestinal.

“I have nothing against transvestites. It’s their choice and their right. And I know there are conservative transvestites and liberal transvestites. The conservative ones go to church and don’t look at you the way the more liberal ones do. I actually perversely enjoy the attention. My only quibble is this: It’s the equivalent of a girl being proclaimed a “gay icon.” Yup, it’s not something you’re very proud to admit.”

Veritas et vanitas equals gravitas

“Ba’t ba ang hilig mong gumamit ng foreign words?” a ludicrously incredulous R. wants to know.

“Ano pa, eh di para lalo akong di maintindihan!”

Hakhakhakhak! Remember, if you cannot convince them or impress them, confuse them!

Welcome, welcome amici y tomodachi! Havenu shalom aleikhem! Your guess is right – it’s as good as mine. I won’t be telling the whole world a new iteration of the truth here. I won’t be reinventing the wheel just yet. Why? Because this is merely the extension of EXPECTORANTS, which has become quite unwieldy for this blogger, considering its football field-size perimeter. But here, I will be giving an in-depth treatment to everything that is vain, to things of no consequence.

Let me end for now with the favorite word of harassment an anonymous texter harasses me with: Mwehehehehe!