MUCOLYTIC

On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the
door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I
will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and
I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed.

On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people,
do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life
span."
The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't
think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"
And God agreed.


On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the
field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have
calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life
span of sixty years."


The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for
sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty."
And God agreed again.


On the forth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry
and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."



Man said, "What? Only twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my
twenty, and the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave
back and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy
ourselves; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our
family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the
grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch
and bark at everyone.



Life has now been explained to you.

A Filipino Applies for a Job at Wal-Mart.

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an
individual
to
fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he
found
four
people who were equally qualified. .. An American, a Russian,
an Australian and a Filipino. He decided to call the four in and
ask
them
only one question. Their answer would determine which of them
would
get
the
job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table
the
interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging Dave, the American on his right, the man replied, "
A
THOUGHT".

It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the
way;
it's
just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian.

"Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't
know
that
it
ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!"
said
the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very
popular cliché for speed."

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating
his
reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on
the
wall
there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across
the
pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT
is the
fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and
thought
he
had
found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the
interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, " Apter
herring
da
3 frevyos ansers sirrr, et's obyus to me dat the fastest thang
known
is Diarrhea."


"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"O I can expleyn serrr ." said Eleuterio . " YOU SEE SERR, DA
other
day
I
wasn't Peeeling so good and I run soo fast to the CR or
bathroom,But,
before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT,
ay 'tang ina, I already had a big poo-poo in my
pants.

Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart.

Dumating si Dan sa Amerika sa tulong ng kanyang Kumpare na may kontak sa immigration sa Pilipinas.

Medyo tagilid ang papeles niya
kaya masyado siyang maingat (TNT baga).

Ayaw man lang lumabas ng bahay si Dan kung hindi kasama ang kanyang kumpare.

E minsan, nagsawa na ang kanyang kumpare sa kaaalalay sa kanya. "Pareng Dan," sabi ng kumpareng tinatago ang inis, "Heto ang susi ng kotse at mga credit cards ko. Magshopping ka naman sa Mall para malibang ka."

"Kung may problema ka, tawagan mo ako sa telepono. Papasok na ako sa opisina."

Dahil siguro sa hiya ni Dan, kahit nerbiyos na nerbiyos siya, sinubukan niyang lumabas. Tuwang-tuwa si Dan sa pamamasyal sa mall.

Nakapili siya ng mga damit na gusto niya. Ngunit pagdating sa cashier,biglang nataranta at natakot si Dan.

Tanong ng cashier,
"Visa or Master Card?"

Haripas si Dan palabas dahit sa takot! "Aba, hinahanap ang visa ko!?

Baka nabisto na ako! Syet!" Sakay kaagad siya sa kanyang kotse.

Harurot.

Kaso, halos wala ng gas ang sasakyan kaya huminto siya sa isang gas station. Nang maglalagay na siya ng gas, biglang nagsalita ang cashier sa speaker, "Sir, pay first, please."

"Naku, patay! Papers daw! Hinahanap ang papers ko!"

Nagtatakbo si Dan sa mga eski-eskinita hanggang makakita siya ng pay phone.

Patago-tago siyang lumapit sa payphone.

"(Hingal) Kailangang matawagan ... ko si kumpare...para masundo niya ako rito (hingal)."

Pagtaas niya ng handle ng telepono, narinig niya,
"AT&T how can I help you?"

Aba, anak ng putakteh, alam na TNT ako! Buking na ako!"

Pagbaba niya ng telepono, may Amerikanong nakatayo sa likod niya, tanong ba naman, "Are you done?"

Napahandusay si Dan sa phone booth. Biglang bulalas, "Bur_y kan ina!, alam pa ang pangalan ko!"

Nagulat ang tisoy, "Hey, be cool, man!"

"Naku! Alam pa kung taga saan ako!"

"Is that your green car parked in the red zone?"

Hihimatayin na si Dan! "Hinahanapan pa ako ng green
card"!!!!!

Kaya sa matinding takot, nagpahuli na lang si Dan.

Ngayon si Dan ay nasa Bicol na muli at binansagan na
"Dan Balikbayan."