MUCOLYTIC

Uy, am getting married next week. Biglaan, iyak nga kapatids ko! Just a simple party. Punta ka ha? Aasahan ko yun! Don't bring any gift.


Just bring someone who will marry me!

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up
Jack's
mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got
caught in a terrible blizzard.
So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who
answered he door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house
all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid
the
neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And
if
the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed,
and
the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
They
enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an
attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally
determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he
had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that
good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up
North about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to
the
house and pay her a visit?" "Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little
embarrassed about being found out
"I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry,
buddy.
I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?)
Now keep that smile for the rest of the day

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand
up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you
think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

===========================================

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on
her face.

"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing
the
cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

==========================================

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students
might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas
season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood
that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.

So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."

Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know!! I
know! He's in our bathroom!!!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a
response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long
seconds.

Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

Little Johnny said, "Well . . . every morning, my father gets up, bangs
on the bathroom door, and yells, "Jesus Christ, are you still in
there?!"

==========================================

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of
the
10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture
and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture
him."

Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his
picture?"

=========================================

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as
his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the
horse's legs, rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make
sure
that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."

Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy
Mom."