MUCOLYTIC

A few English words with odd pronunciations

Take this quiz. Read the ff. words the way you've always known how.

lingerie

shepherd

closet

worthy

renege

wolf

womb

tomb

cupboard

devil

evil

If you got everything wrong, rejoice! You are perfectly normal. It's the English language that is stupid.

I've created a monster

I've created a monster. I have this young friend of mine whom I've been giving special attention of late because no one else in this world has had the gumption of ever talking to me the way he does: "Hoy, ano'ng tinitext mo sa 'kin ha, kinukupa_l mo 'ko, ano?" Let's hide his identity under the name Facundo.

He's a wiry, innocent-looking Chinoy who's taking up Industrial Engineering in Mapua.

One time after my fellow nauseating do-gooders held a talk about the value of speaking only affirming words in somebody's residence, Facundo bagan entertaining the other high school and college boys present with the latest outrageous lyrics by an infamous local rapper. If Facundo is a vulgar kid, he's doing it because he loves being kenkoy (comically playful or playfully comical).

I try to admonish him in the straight but gentle way I know: "Hoy, yung wholesome naman!"

"Ah, wholesome ba, o sige April Boy na lang." (Mimics April Boy Regino's singing.) (Laughter from the audience.)

I scratch my embarrassed scalp, even though it isn't itchy. (Thank you, Sunsilk Leave-On conditioner.) I think of a good suggestion. I am gripped by a dilemma - think of something cool but inoffensive as far as our just-finished talk is concerned. [Esep, esep.] I get scared. I try to namedrop Eminem, Limp Bizkit, Korn, what else -- Nirvana, Rage Against the Machine, Metallica, Prodigy, even 50 Cent and Chingy. But I am worried they might get shocked and get the wrong signals, you know.

"Ahem, ano na lang kaya, uh, _____? (name of musician deleted)"

"Hinde, Renz Verano na lang! (Mimics Renz Verano.)" (Hysterics from the boys.)

______ (Name of musician deleted)

"Wholesome ba kamo? Alam ko na, Lito Camo! Sex Bomb Girls! (Mimics the Sex Bomb Girls.) (Laughter.)

______

"O sige na nga, boy band na lang!. Ano'ng paborito mong boy band?" (Mimics Backstreet Boys, I think.) (Laughter.)

I protest aloud. "______!"

"Ay alam ko na, Pepe Smith!!!" he cries triumphantly. (Even more boisterous laughter from the audience.)

***

It goes on like forever. I think even Aegis and Imelda Papin have an honorable mention. Before long, we have covered the entire history of trashy music. (Apologies to the fans who might get offended. 'Trashy' is just a personal opinion.)

Later we turn serious. These darn kids are good! They beat me to it. They know their icons well, or their parents' icons - Jimi Hendrix (who is he?), Bob Marley, Aerosmith… The Beatles, for Pete's sake. They even know Asin (the local folk rock icon) and they are rightfully respectable!

Buti na lang, I have refrained from including Madonna and Destiny's Child in the canon. (I have yet to know who this girl named Janis Joplin was.)

Age, however, proves to be an edge all the same. These kids haven’t gone through the late '80s, the golden age of alternative (New Wave) bands. And they have yet to discover jazz, the classics, standard, Broadway, etc. etc.

Eventually, I am forced to be totally honest with them, admitting that I listen to anything and anybody even those with 'bad' lyrics as long as I sense something literary, truthful, stylish, original. To balance thing off - call it guilt - I mention acts like Stryper (late 80s), Jars of Clay (late 90s), and so on. Then someone mentions POD. "Good, good," I think to myself. I have this feeling that I've extricated myself from self-incrimination.